@Shawnchapp @Slumdum @mime @Teaspoon @Strut
@Evil Surgeon @conzibald @Guz89 @-Bonk- @xlax
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Welcome to Lewdcorner news Halloween edition.
Newscaster: Our first story, Canadians are angry after a suspect seen wearing
a black, white, and purple dress, with long socks going
to the knees, and wearing a cat mask, was spotted breaking jack o lanterns,
putting shaving cream on windows, throwing toilet paper rolls
in trees, and shoving bananas up car tailpipes. The vandal also seems
to leave a calling card in purple spray paint on the sides of buildings,
houses, and cars that says
"Meow, Meow, cats rule, Happy Chappoween!"
Newscaster: In other news, Denmark has disappearing blood from the
blood bank. A janitor named Mr. Strut said it was the Slumpire a long blonde
haired creature, with red eyes, long teeth, and fingernails like a rake. Denmark
police had a sketch artist draw the creature. After drawing the sketch,
police hit Mr. Strut upside the head with their batons, put a straight jacket
on him,and tossed him into the local Denmark insane Asylum, because
there are no such things as Slumpires.
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Newscaster: In other news; scientists are baffled after 4 people
Slumdum, Mime, Guz, and Bonk, have all given birth to babies with
orange mustaches, scientists are baffled saying they have never
seen babies with fully grown mustaches before. We have obtained some photos
of the pregnant mothers. And also of the mustached babies.
Newscaster: We reached out to one of the mothers, a Miss Mime who
said the following. Quote
"StephanieD if you don't stop saying I had
Conzibald's baby I'm going to put my clown foot in your ass"
Newscaster: In other news police arrested a suspect they believe is responsible
for the murder of a local Philippine native, after the suspect a Mr. Teaspoon
murdered the man, authorities asked Mr. Teaspoon why he did it, and his
response was "Because the asshole used a fork to eat his cereal instead of
a spoon"
Newscaster: In other news a native Floridan that survived Hurricane Milton,
claims a mysterious large creature swimming in the flood waters spoke to him,
when police asked the Floridian resident what the creature wanted, the resident
responded by saying the creature was 50 feet, dressed as a girl scout selling thin mints, graham
crunchy things, and oatmeal raisin cookies, for only Tree Fiddy!
Below is what the police sketch artists drew
Newscaster:After drawing the sketch, police hit the Florida native upside the head with their batons, put
a straight jacket on him, and tossed him into the insane Asylum with Strut, because there is no such
thing as a giant 50 foot monster swimming in Florida waters, dressed as a girl scout, selling cookies.
Newscaster: And our last story of the night. Thanks to the
Scooby Gang, police have arrested a mentally ill man
pretending to be a surgeon, police say the suspect has stolen
over 500,000 coins from the Lewd bank. When police raided
the mentally ill man's house, they found a bag of surgeon masks
and over 10,000 bottles of Johnson's baby oil.