discussion What makes a friendship

[LuqhsA07]

Here’s a crazy short story. I had a group of friends me and my wife played dnd with for years now. We never discuss politics because we don’t thinks it’s a friendly subject with friends. After years of being friends they saw a flag my roommate put up in the hallway and all of the sudden, “hey ( ) we can’t be friends anymore. Because of the flag.”…. Why throw away years of friendships just because of a political belief. We never talk about it or try to put our agenda on someone else. It saddens me and my wife that we lost our group of friends we hanged out with on an almost daily basis. What’s your guys thoughts on the matter? Do you let politics drive your friendships? Or do you put your differences to the side and make a connection?

Alright for clarification cause I can see some holes in the story. Yes my roommate did put up the flag. Yes my wife and I don’t care and we thought the flag was cool. No it does not represent hate or evil in anyway. Yes we’ve listened to their politics in the past with our friends and knew their point of view but we didn’t judge them. Yes we were friends for years and we didn’t care for politics or religion to divide our friendship. My main question is, “is it right to judge people based on their beliefs.” And we are excluding all radical beliefs. They’ve been to our house numerous of times so this is a recent thing

 

[User_83869]

Avoiding political discussion is a smart move among friends.

 

[LuqhsA07]

I just avoid politics, and so no more friends. They were into social politics and I didn't want to hear the preaching. They stopped calling me and I stopped caring. So no friends anymore. Most people can only be friends with people they agree with and I just stopped caring enough to even engage in most conversations.

Also, best practice is to only be friends with people uglier than you

Yeah definitely avoided it for years, just stupid once the found out (after hanging out for so long) there like, “nope.” Dude me and my wife used to by beers for the group get them Christmas and birthday presents (even tho we never got any) and just be good friends. It’s still raw and fresh of the happening but I’m trying to understand the mindset.

 

[ErzuzB]

I think it's somewhat valid.
But it of course depends on the stance or politics behind the flag and how different it is to one own ideology.

If the flag stands for something that one personally detest, how can that person ignore that in the future, now that this stance is known?

 

[Simma]

Avoiding political discussion is a smart move among friends.

Real friends do not care if there is different political opinions.

 

[deffel]

Real friends do not care if there is different political opinions.

Let me tell you something I have learned the hard way over the last ~50 years:
Friendship or no friendship if you hand someone a knife you will get stabbed eventually.

Enjoy the company of others but be mindful

 

[tyktamsyl]

I would never leave a friend due to political disagreements. Political views are not that important.

 

[User_83869]

Real friends do not care if there is different political opinions.

If one person's political views are to take civil rights away from another person, that can sometimes outweigh the friendship factor.

 

[Sneaky_Creep13]

don't talk about politic, that my rule with friends. politic just ruin friendship, especially in todays world.

 

[Simma]

I would never leave a friend due to political disagreements. Political views are not that important.

I agree

 

[Saturnus]

I'm not a fan of many political differences among friends. It can get heated fast.

But, let's not pretend @LuqhsA07 was being apolitical. You have a flag hanging in your house.

 

[kikomascado]

I don't mind friends having different opinions than me, but opinions is like "pineapples shouldn't be on pizza". If the opinion is "LGBT people should be sent to jail" I'll stop talking with that being in a heartbeat.

 

[LuqhsA07]

I'm not a fan of many political differences among friends. It can get heated fast.

But, let's not pretend @LuqhsA07 was being apolitical. You have a flag hanging in your house.

Yes there is a flag hanging in my house. After years of not discussing politics as soon as they see who we favor they through away our friendship without ever having a discussion. Does politics matter that much to people to quickly judge?

 

[LuqhsA07]

I think it's somewhat valid.
But it of course depends on the stance or politics behind the flag and how different it is to one own ideology.

If the flag stands for something that one personally detest, how can that person ignore that in the future, now that this stance is known?

It’s not like there’s a flag of a swastika or a baby being killed. That I would draw a line in a friendship.

 

[LuqhsA07]

I think it's somewhat valid.
But it of course depends on the stance or politics behind the flag and how different it is to one own ideology.

If the flag stands for something that one personally detest, how can that person ignore that in the future, now that this stance is known?

If friends judge people based on their religious, political beliefs then they aren’t true friends. Such things shouldn’t divide such people. My best friend and I have completely different views but doesn’t mean we can’t go out on Saturday nights and grab a beer at our favorite tavern.

 

[User_98650]

I don't mind friends having different opinions than me, but opinions is like "pineapples shouldn't be on pizza". If the opinion is "LGBT people should be sent to jail" I'll stop talking with that being in a heartbeat.

Yea I agree, I think you can be friends with anyone, though depending on those how some people feel on the nitty gritty of life like politics, religion and sexuality I think that's where a lot of lines get drawn and friendships fizzle out. Thankfully my friend group is very accepting and generally likes everyone as long as the person isn't an asshole.

 

[AlBetGam]

Frankly depends on what kind of political stances we're talking about. If we have different opinions about taxation or school choice vouchers, I'd have to be extraordinarily petty to end a friendship over it. Even more divisive things like, well, I dunno, go turn on CNN and pick something- I know I disagree strenuously with some of my friends on major issues, and we don't make a big deal of it because our friendship isn't based on shared politics. On the other hand I simply wouldn't associate with people who hold certain views, mainly the kind that encourage actual violence against people.

As for a flag, you haven't mentioned what kind it was, but I'd hope a friend would at least ask "hey, what's up with that flag?" first.

 

[Saturnus]

Yes there is a flag hanging in my house. After years of not discussing politics as soon as they see who we favor they through away our friendship without ever having a discussion. Does politics matter that much to people to quickly judge?

They've known you for years, right?

Maybe it wasn't as quick a judgment as you seem to think?
Maybe, they thought, "@LuqhsA07 has been acting differently than they actually are"?
Maybe, by hanging the flag, you showed them who you are, and they believed you.

Also, there's a difference between not wanting to discuss something with you and not being comfortable discussing something with you.
It's a trust issue, and that flag may have showed your trustworthiness to them.

 

[inverted_mayo]

It’s not like there’s a flag of a swastika or a baby being killed. That I would draw a line in a friendship.

This was my view. Politics i don’t care about but if it’s showing that they are a downright bad person then it’s justified.

 

[User_111574]

I've had no such problems. It so happened that since my university days I have maintained relations with people with political/ideological views close to me. My wife and I met during political actions, yes, it happens. Needless to say, we have the same ideological/political views. So I'm lucky in that respect. But I know a real case of divorce due to different views on certain aspects of social/political life. Fortunately, they did not have children.