What makes a friendship

[Alex1980]

I've had no such problems. It so happened that since my university days I have maintained relations with people with political/ideological views close to me. My wife and I met during political actions, yes, it happens. Needless to say, we have the same ideological/political views. So I'm lucky in that respect. But I know a real case of divorce due to different views on certain aspects of social/political life. Fortunately, they did not have children.

 

[JadedSkywalker]

I had a friend we bonded over, manga, games and comics. And we never ever spoke about politics or religion except if I was pointing out a stupidity or absurdity. It ended because he stole from me and sold some of my stuff. Then pretended he didn't. And it was the worst year of my life and my grandmother who was like my mother had died, my real best friend.

 

[Garbo man]

I'm sorry, but if you have never gotten to the point where you talk about politics or other serious topics like religion and general moral beliefs with the people you spend time with, you were not true friends. Just because you hang out with people and have a few drinks on occasion doesn't mean they should just look past any major ethical incompatibilities. You didn't know each other as well as you thought you did.

 

[Lix]

Maybe, by hanging the flag, you showed them who you are, and they believed you.

The way some comments are worded by some people, it makes me wonder if some people didn't "see" a certain part of what was posted?
I don't mean this in a bad way to you or anyone else, I just am trying to bring some clarity to the conversation.
@LughsA07 didn't actually put up the flag:

a flag my roommate put up

Now, LughsA07 did eventually give us this much information:

as they see who we favor

Who is "we" by the way? Is there more to the story that we haven't been told, yes. Did LughsA07 actually acknowledge to the "friends" that he (and wife) agrees with what the flag represents, we don't actually know clearly enough?
Maybe, it is not clear enough to know for sure as LughsA07 did say this:

just stupid once the found out

Either way, in my opinion, the other people were not "friends" to begin with, and it just took something (the flag being put up) to show you the type of selfish inconsiderate people they evidently are.
Afterall:

(even tho we never got any)

But the "friends" simply stop being "friends" because of something someone else did (the roommate), whether or not LughsA07 actually "agreed" with what it represented, then the "friends" are even worse in my opinion. LughsA07 had their "views" before the flag was put up, and the same views after the flag was put up. As far as we know, LughsA07 did not tell the roommate the flag had to be removed and/or kick them out. That in a way shows LughsA07 has respect for others and other's views.

All I am saying is "we" all should be clear with what we say (please), as LughsA07 said that they did not actually put the flag up themself, but they are not clear enough regarding the rest of the details.

So, as far as the rest of it, like I said, we just don't know???

Why am I even taking the time to comment on this post and only part of the subject/conversation (not commenting about the political view in any way)?

Because I simply can't stand people who "pretend" to be "friends"!

 

[User_88210]

I say it depends on, what the flag stands for.
There are differences. If, hypothetically the flag stands for: yes to slavery and genocid.
Yes. I cannot hang out with the flag owner anymore.
If the flag, just stands for another legally accepted partie. Who cares.
So as everything. It depends.

 

[c0rkscr3w]

Here’s a crazy short story. I had a group of friends me and my wife played dnd with for years now. We never discuss politics because we don’t thinks it’s a friendly subject with friends. After years of being friends they saw a flag my roommate put up in the hallway and all of the sudden, “hey ( ) we can’t be friends anymore. Because of the flag.”…. Why throw away years of friendships just because of a political belief. We never talk about it or try to put our agenda on someone else. It saddens me and my wife that we lost our group of friends we hanged out with on an almost daily basis. What’s your guys thoughts on the matter? Do you let politics drive your friendships? Or do you put your differences to the side and make a connection?

I had a similar incident with a friend, but with him it was due to his girlfriend's influence. We had an argument over what some political figure said vs what the media reported and he blocked me right up until his girlfriend left him. Then we went out for beers and we were friends again..

 

[LuqhsA07]

They've known you for years, right?

Maybe it wasn't as quick a judgment as you seem to think?
Maybe, they thought, "@LuqhsA07 has been acting differently than they actually are"?
Maybe, by hanging the flag, you showed them who you are, and they believed you.

Also, there's a difference between not wanting to discuss something with you and not being comfortable discussing something with you.
It's a trust issue, and that flag may have showed your trustworthiness to them.

Actually, they have discussed their political side many of times before. My wife and I don’t chime in and just listened. They were the type of people that are extremist. I was hoping when my roommate put up the flag it wouldn’t drive us apart. I knew they were the opposite side and I still was their friend and didn’t judge. Only one friend from the group stayed and she has the opposite opinion. It shows you what real friends truly are…

 

[LuqhsA07]

I say it depends on, what the flag stands for.
There are differences. If, hypothetically the flag stands for: yes to slavery and genocid.
Yes. I cannot hang out with the flag owner anymore.
If the flag, just stands for another legally accepted partie. Who cares.
So as everything. It depends.

I wonder what flag would stand for that? But saying if you were friends with someone for years and you’ve talked about your religion (example atheism) and you find out they are a (example Christain) does that justify to stop being friends with that person. I don’t justify that at all. It would truly show how judgmental a person really can be.

 

[LuqhsA07]

The way some comments are worded by some people, it makes me wonder if some people didn't "see" a certain part of what was posted?
I don't mean this in a bad way to you or anyone else, I just am trying to bring some clarity to the conversation.
@LughsA07 didn't actually put up the flag:

Now, LughsA07 did eventually give us this much information:

Who is "we" by the way? Is there more to the story that we haven't been told, yes. Did LughsA07 actually acknowledge to the "friends" that he (and wife) agrees with what the flag represents, we don't actually know clearly enough?
Maybe, it is not clear enough to know for sure as LughsA07 did say this:

Either way, in my opinion, the other people were not "friends" to begin with, and it just took something (the flag being put up) to show you the type of selfish inconsiderate people they evidently are.
Afterall:

But the "friends" simply stop being "friends" because of something someone else did (the roommate), whether or not LughsA07 actually "agreed" with what it represented, then the "friends" are even worse in my opinion. LughsA07 had their "views" before the flag was put up, and the same views after the flag was put up. As far as we know, LughsA07 did not tell the roommate the flag had to be removed and/or kick them out. That in a way shows LughsA07 has respect for others and other's views.

All I am saying is "we" all should be clear with what we say (please), as LughsA07 said that they did not actually put the flag up themself, but they are not clear enough regarding the rest of the details.

So, as far as the rest of it, like I said, we just don't know???

Why am I even taking the time to comment on this post and only part of the subject/conversation (not commenting about the political view in any way)?

Because I simply can't stand people who "pretend" to be "friends"!

I do believe my roommate has a right to express himself. I don’t want to silence anyone on their beliefs no matter if it the same or pure opposite… unless it’s damn right evil but that’s the extremist ideology.

 

[LuqhsA07]

Alright for clarification cause I can see some holes in the story. Yes my roommate did put up the flag. Yes my wife and I don’t care and we thought the flag was cool. No it does not represent hate or evil in anyway. Yes we’ve listened to their politics in the past with our friends and knew their point of view but we didn’t judge them. Yes we were friends for years and we didn’t care for politics or religion to divide our friendship. My main question is, “is it right to judge people based on their beliefs.” And we are excluding all radical beliefs

 

[Lix]

“is it right to judge people based on their beliefs.”

NO!

 

[Dobermann]

What was the flag?

If for example you had a swastika flag hanging around. That's one thing. If it is a confederate flag, eh, who cares. If it is a rainbow flag. Same.


Really depends on the flag son.

 

[User_88210]

I wonder what flag would stand for that

Dunno. It were just an example. Have the kkk a flag? Dunno.

But saying if you were friends with someone for years and you’ve talked about your religion (example atheism) and you find out they are a (example Christain) does that justify to stop being friends with that person.

Of course not. As I wrote. It depends.

For some you are a bad person, if you are eating meat.
People are different.
And People weight things different.
Another problem is the division of society driven by (a)social media.

 

[User_83869]

Wel I mean if it were hypothetically a flag of a divisive candidate that if you support them it means you're actively supporting the attempt to deny certain people their civil rights, and also shows you to be an incredibly obtuse and gullible, probably incredulous person who lacks critical thinking skills and also would probably show that you have a severely lacking ability to judge character. For some people those things are deal breakers. Hypothetically, of course.

 

[ErzuzB]

Just to add something here outside of the "main question".

Some people call acquaintances (good) friends way too early.

Yes, in your case you played dnd for years, but... so what?
Does this make you friends? Did you really know them? Where they live? Did you ever visit them in their home? Did things outside of your roleplaying sessions/groupings together?

So just being in a roleplaying group together doesn't make you automatically friends.

 

[matthiacallus]

“is it right to judge people based on their beliefs.” And we are excluding all radical beliefs

Is it "right"? That depends on your views and morality, I suppose.
I'm not saying your beliefs are radical. But, most people don't hang political flags in their house.

Wel I mean if it were hypothetically a flag of a divisive candidate that if you support them it means you're actively supporting the attempt to deny certain people their civil rights, and also shows you to be an incredibly obtuse and gullible, probably incredulous person who lacks critical thinking skills and also would probably show that you have a severely lacking ability to judge character. For some people those things are deal breakers. Hypothetically, of course.

 

[Republican Bear]

Well all my friends turn out to be backstabbers so in my experience most people are assholes.

Just not worth my time to find more.

 

[User_98650]

Some people call acquaintances (good) friends way too early.

I can't agree with that more, one of my friends calls basically every person he casually talks to his friends and then always does the surprised Pikachu face whenever something goes wrong. Definitely always better to go quality over quantity in friends.

 

[lewdlove]

If you live in USA(thankfully I don't),i think talking politics is more "difficult" and can cause friendsship to have problems. That is cause in USA politics,specially now, is more polarized than ever, it's a fight or die kind of thing. In my country, politics can be talked more about, without serious problems..
However.. Friendship is usually based on similar belives and/or intrests.. My few friends like much the same things, we do things we like togheter(like sports).

 

[Naynamed]

Its pretty boring if you agree with everyone around you all the time, but politics is a dangerous subject.