discussion What is your favorite sex ad?

[shrandle]

The ones with naked ladies are best, I think.

 

[Crpapjda]

I like my sex sponsored by RAID SHADOW LEGENDS!!!!!! Rahhhh!!!

XD having this in the main porn sites would be kind of fun

 

[Crpapjda]

There was an ad on the streets. It wasnt "sex-ad", but was about sex. A condom ad. It had an after sex scene between a male elephant and a female little ant, both in the bed smoking and relaxing. Took me years to understand the meaning

 

[thelokobull]

Does anyone else remembers the girls gone wild commercials, that aired in the Spike tv channel from midnight to early mornings.

 

[Moo?]

In Vegas there's these girls that stand on the strip handing out cards for prostitutes. I didn't partake but it was entertaining watching them try to hand cards to the father of a family of four while his wife and two kids watched. It was awkward, deliciously awkward.

 

[Seo In-guk]

So, look, I like pornography, real people, fake people, fur people, vague abstractions barely recognizable as people...when you get to be my age there is nothing in this world that doesn't hold some sexual fascination. I might, if it were possible, fuck a sunset or at least I'd play a game where a guy has a harem containing several sunsets, a waning gibbous and perhaps an eclipse or 2, I do not discriminate and I can imagine fucking anything. I'm an easy going guy, so I even like sexy ads. I like to be told that there is one five minute trick that can grow my penis 3000%, with a picture of a bottle of apple cider vinegar and a ripped dude menacingly pointing a terrifying veiny penis at me. It makes me feel like there is hope, that if for some reason I too wanted a terrifying veiny penis that all I'd have to do is click on that ad and maybe go buy some apple cider vinegar. Anyway right now my favorite ad goes something like this :

There is this female voice that asserts that there are hundreds if not thousands of horny old women near me. This in and of itself isn't disturbing, as I said I'm sex positive , perhaps overly so. However the video goes on to insist that if I sign up to this service(?) that I must fuck these old women upon request, no matter how ugly or disgusting I find them to be. While it doesn't outright describe any particular punishment that I might face, it does heavily insinuate that there will be consequences. While this video is essentially threatening me with a good time, there is what amounts to a slideshow of fairly benign elderly women in various states of undress. I think this ad could be massively improved if they were to find or create images of more menacing elderly women. You see, the true brilliance of this ad is in the assertion that you can consign yourself to some De Sadesque elderly matriarch based sexual slavery ring, and if you fail to lick some repulsive old twat's twat you will receive some punishment that is actually worse than sticking your tongue in her decrepit old quim in the first place. What that punishment could be, I do not know , but I love how it is left ambiguous. Still it should have pictures of fragile pale young men being absolutely dominated by elderly women in bdsm inspired floral house dresses or perhaps strapped into some kind of rocking chair based sexual apparatus. Anyway, what sexy ads get your imagination going?

Sorry, when I see a lot of text I put this meme

 

[Munder_Score]

Sorry, when I see a lot of text I put this meme

No need to apologize, I like that you've discovered a way to express yourself in a healthy way. You see, It was years before I discovered a healthy method of expressing myself...In my misspent youth I turned to drugs and and alcohol. I would spend weeks just putting whatever intoxicants that I could find into my body Crack, smack, jack, uppies, downies. frontsies , backsies.....but it was never enough. It got so bad that I one day at my lowest point I was sucking black market freon from an old decomissioned Russian refrigeration unit. You see back in the days of the soviet union they used these giant refrigeration units to freeze sturgeon meat to ship from the Caspian sea to Tajikistan, where it would be dried ,ground and processed into protein cubes to feed the Tajikistani army. Well, of course back then it was a part of the soviet union, but it was tough terrain, and unprocessed fish eat didn't last long in the harsh Tajikistani climate. But as we all know after the collapse of the USSR most of the refrigeration units fell into disrepair, and because they were chock full of freon which had been outlawed by most nations because of some hippie bullshit about the fucking ozone layer. Anyway they became very popular with free-lancers (that is what we freon addicts called ourselves back then). So of course every few months or so I would travel to the Caspian to get my fix. After years of this very expensive travel I was running low on cash, Oh I forgot to mention I had family wealth...You see my great grandfather invented the machine that puts the strings on tennis rackets...but by the late 90's tennis was experiencing something of a nadir and the tennis racket stringing machine business was in shambles. So by 1996 I was working as a cocksucker on a fishing boat in the Caspian just to get a ride to the Russian scrapyard to get my fix. Its not so much that I minded sucking all those burly fishermen's dicks, honestly I hardly remember it as I was blasted out of my mind on freon almost 24-7...It was the fish smell. You see when I was a boy, I lost both my parents to a Marlin attack (you know those fish with the pointy nose thing). I still remember it like it was yesterday, We were free diving just off the Florida keys, we used to do this as a family--you know, to bond. And it was my little sister Meagan Fox (no not THAT Meagan fox) who saw it first...its eyes gleaming in the wind, teeth sharp as razors. Before my dad could pull his harpoon (land or sea poppa always had his trusty harpoon) he was run through by that pointy nose part that I mentioned earlier, but it didn't stop there, it stabbed my mother right through the anus, I remember because my mom would do this thing where she would pull down her wetsuit and make these fart bubble rings and we would all laugh. I'm going to miss those innocent times. Anyway, poppa died instantly, but mom hung on for 3 days, they flew in all of the top asshole doctors (I mean proctologists not that the doctors were assholes...they were actually really nice...well yeah one of them was kind of an asshole, but I think he just acted that way because he thought it was funny to be a proctologist and an asshole...actually it is pretty funny) but they were unable to reconstruct the tissues of her asshole and we suspect that she died of a broken heart. So yeah the smell of fish reminds me of that time a fish killed both of my parents. So anyway, i'm sucking 10-15 dicks a day, swallowing gallons of nut (they didn't care if I spit or swallowed, but I commit to whatever I set my mind to...you know, for my poppa's memory) ...I guess if I'm honest I did it for the nutrients as well because all they served on board was fish, and I'll be damned if I eat any of those murdering bastards. So as I said, I'm huffing freon from this compressor line and I think to myself "Michael, what the hell are you doing?"....I started to feel something hot and wet running down my face, I assumed that a fisherman had ejaculated on me...but no it was my own tears. There I was bawling like a baby, copper compressor tube clenched tightly between my lips like some giant mechanical teet...I knew right then something had to change. So i gave my life to my personal savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. And that is how I got saved and washed in the blood of the lamb.

 

[gigachad991]

The ones I can't see.

Same

 

[Munder_Score]

I believed I had seen it all... I was jaded, picturing myself as far too conversant in the ways of sex based internet advertisements to ever again be surprised. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Ads that claimed that all of the married women in a nearby county were whores who wanted to fuck me in particular-for free no less. Never mind that whores are paid, It is what makes them whores. Never mind that I could not imagine how all of the married women in a particular country had become familiar with me...perhaps word had spread through some seedy secret network for married women-I have no way of knowing. I have watched cunts stream glittering fluids in the dark corners pf the browser window near the other stuff I was trying to jerk off to. I have heard the mewling exhortations of voice actresses insist that they had found the sexiest way to masturbate. They had unlocked the cosmic wisdom of the ancients, and found ways to make me ejaculate in voluminous torrents that I dared not even imagine in my wildest wettest dreams. I was promised that I would from this day forth never find myself without a companion to cheerfully watch me masturbate. They have even taken solemn oaths that if I wished it to be so, I would be supplied with an endless stream of dominant Amazonian MILFS who would berate me for polishing my knob incorrectly or too quickly. But all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain because I have found this...this peripatetic phantasm of an ad that has show me that what I knew to be true was wrong...I know nothing...I am a speck on a dot in a swirling cloud in an ocean of fog that itself is but a pitiful wisp in endless inky blackness.

BEHOLD YE MIGHTY AND WEEP:

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I can barely type this as my hands are still shaking...or perhaps something deeper has been shaken....my grasp on reality? How could I have known that there was an African ritual , developed deep in the jungles or perhaps on the vast savannahs. Who was the venturesome witch doctor or council of village elders that developed such a ritual and why. Was there some point in African history when battles were fought and won on big dick energy alone? Did this lead to some sort of cold war and arms race where kingdoms poured their resources into developing ever more effective rituals to increase their penises to Brobdingnagian dimension? Was there some great tragedy that lead the various factions to come together and decide that this final ritual was too powerful, the penises it created were too destructive. I can only imagine the horrors that these ambitions visited upon the innocent...men that were little more than penises with shriveled vestigial bodies attached like male anglerfish. Oh the torments the spouses must have suffered...the ejaculate alone must have destroyed great swathes of arable land leaving nothing but desolate protein saturated soil. Yes, they only had one choice, ban this ritual, for Bacchus himself dared not wield such a penis-this was not a power men could wield responsibly. That should have been the end of it...but no, some archeological expedition ostensibly to illuminate African history must have uncovered this long buried secret. They must have translated the tablets and in their arrogance ignored the warnings...for just as modern man cannot imagine having too much wealth or power or reach...he cannot imagine a penis that is too large. If only we had listened to the warnings...alas, profit motive is too alluring....why not sell this dangerous ritual to anyone with a wifi connection? Why not doom us to repeat the tragedies of the past....why not create a cock so large that we fuck the entire word?

 

[Deleted member 123057]

i really like the dick pill ads which are very shit and funny to look at.

 

[FancyPrince]

dont really like sex ads that much, but the ones on cyberpunk are pretty funny

 

[Monseigneur]

I don't like advertising, and even having sex in it won't change my mind about it.

 

[cptgrinner]

this is an interesting thread lol brazzers has good ads

 

[Silicon12]

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