I'll tell you guys the best joke I know, not because it's the funniest but because I've only ever heard it once, in person, and never seen or heard it anywhere else. You're welcome.
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Man is driving down a country road, middle of the day, absolutely no traffic. He's approaching a stop sign and slows down, as you do, but as he glides in he realizes he can see down the road for a mile in every direction. There are no cars comings, and he's kind of behind schedule. What the hell, right? Feeling the like he's getting away with something he speeds his car back up and blows through the stop sign.
Seconds later there's lights in his rear view mirror, and the wail of a siren. This country sheriff's car was hidden behind a clump of trees, and now it's after him. Son of a bitch! Well, nothing for it. Man pulls his car to the side of the road, and soon enough a deputy is at his car window. The deputy looks like he came straight out of central casting for 'backwoods sheriff's deputy". Mustache, hat, mirror sunglasses, the works.
"Well son, you didn't stop at the sign and now you're going to pay the price," says the deputy.
The man knows it's a mistake, but he can't resist letting a "Bullshit," slip out of his mouth.
"Excuse me, son? What's bullshit here? You going to claim you stopped?" asks the deputy.
The deputy doesn't seem angry, so the man is encouraged. "I didn't just blow through. I slowed down, and I could see there was no traffic coming, so I took my foot off the brake and went on through. Come on man, cut me some slack. I wasn't driving unsafe. I didn't stop, but I slowed down. Close enough, right?"
The deputy nods serenely, then suddenly opens the car door and drags the man out. The deputy tosses the man to the ground, pulls out his nightstick, and begins beating the man.
The man screams in pain, holding up his arms, trying to protect himself. "What the hell? What the hell?" he screams.
The deputy leans down and says to the man, "So tell me. Do you want me to stop... or just slow down?"