Little rough around the edges. Someone should really invite the developer to lewdcorner so he can communicate and perhaps take feedback.
I think lot of the game is held together by nonsense and convenience. If this is a demo, proper 0.1 release should perhaps be reconsidered for a rewrite to make semblance of a story.
1. Kicking out of the house
How its done in the game is incredibly lazy. No offense but it's purely that. Parents appear incredibly heartless and it exists to drive the plot.
Firstly, portray the MC in different way. Give parents actual good reason to kick out the MC and finally; Give MC actual emotional response as he's been kicked out of his home.
Why?
A) You could age up the MC by a lot and have MC be kicked out for being a good for nothing parasite. Parents get fed up, they kick the MC. He then out of desperation goes to his good aunt and gets a new home however under condition that he gets a job.
B) Let parents find some "questionable content" on PC's computer. Perhaps make MC older too. Let them freak out. Yell at him, kick him out. Threaten to call police if he comes near the house. This establishes the MC as already interested in the girls. Perhaps during dialogue change the wording to be more... lustful towards Lena.
C) Portray MC's family as abusive or fucked up. MC angers his short tempered parents, he gets kicked out.
2. Readproof texts and commit
Select a writing style and wording for your game and commit to it. Make sentences age appropriate. It feels so weird for an 18 year old dude to call his cousin a "young one" so many times. Like dude, she is just 8 years younger. It isn't that big of a difference. Additionally making the characters more engaging in repeated conversations would help.
Since all you need is to see conversation once and you've seen everything. Meaning relationship grind becomes a chore.
3. ANNOYING SANDBOX CLICKING
If you want to make a sandbox, all good. But make it bearable.
For example. WHY can't we travel from any room to any point? Why do we have to be in a specific area to travel. Let players freely go from Melissa's home to theirs.
WHY do we have to after work go to Pizzeria if there's nothing else to be done there.
WHY do we have to unlock our phone. One click. Does literally nothing.
WHY there isn't a back button when browsing on a PC.
WHY is the relationship grind so damn slow. Especially with people like Emily and Melissa.
Half of the game is split between clicking from one place to the another. Where actual "meaty" part of the game is about 5 minutes total.
4. Melissa
Entire... part felt so wrong. Starting with the dumb blowjob. Who does that? It's just so out of place. Wouldn't it be better if their relationship progressed, she invited you home for first time, you both got a bit drunk and she sucked off the MC?
Then for second time with "pizza level 2" she invites you home?
You look at her sister and suddenly you both are accomplices? Wouldn't it be much, much better if MC went and spied on Emily?
Alternatively MC caught Melissa fingering herself while watching Emily shower?
Then MC confronting Melissa about it. Melissa understandably getting paranoid and throwing out MC and threatening his job.
Then in order to unlock more dialogue you talk to her daily, unlock "pizza level 3"
Where she proceeds to admit what she likes and slowly introduces you to... her world. Let's say. Perhaps shows you videos. Talks dirty while jacking off MC. Then offers to be his accomplice.
All the while reserving that Emily nightime visit for much later into the game once their twisted relationship has progressed.
Things progress way too quickly and happen because it's convenient for them to happen.
That being said, I do appreciate that the game is actually a loli game and doesn't hold back in some regards. Describes lolis as lolis and characters for who they like in terms of the preference. That kinda makes it stand out unlike some games.
At the same time, it needs a bit more text variety and bit of rewriting + quality of life to make the game overall better.
Regardless, I wish the developer good luck with future endeavors!
