2 Years of Service
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@Shawnchapp @Slumdum @-Bonk- @Lix @mime
@Evil Surgeon @conzibald @algeo @luciddream
Welcome to Lewdcorner news.
Newscaster: In today's news, the Canadian bandit has struck again.
The bandit has been sending out his cats to steal goods all through
Canada including pies cooling off in windows.
We spoke to senior citizen Canadian residents the Clarks who told has the following.
Mabel Clark: I was letting the pie cool in the window, when this feller
dressed in purple came out and he unleashed this cat, and he played
this flute like the pied piper and that cat danced up to my window and
grabbed my pie, and then that feller in purple ran off with it.
Wilbur Clark: I want my gawd damn cherry pie bitch.
Mabel: Will you shut up I'm being interviewed by the news people!
Wilbur: I don't care if you are being interviewed by King Charles,
I want my pie bitch.
Mabel Clark: I told you the cat took it.
Wilbur: Bullshit, your fat ass probably ate it.
Newscaster: We reached out to Cat farmer and fellow
Canadian Shawn Chapp for answers, Mr. Chapp while eating a slice of
cherry pie, said he believes it is the work of the North Americans and
Donald Trump coming to steal Canadian pies.
Newscaster: In other news Lix was taken to the hospital today exhausted
and suffering from dehydration, after spending time in New York Lix
decided to help the old folks retirement home by licking stamps
for envelopes, Lix licked over 500 stamps.
We interviewed Lix and asked him how he was doing, he just smiled
and said he was looking forward to licking the nurse next.
Newcaster: In other news police are on the lookout for a man
that has been exposing himself in a trench coat, witnesses say the
man has a large orange mustache and seems to be Swedish.
If you know the whereabouts of this man please contact the
authorities.
We interviewed one of the witnesses.
Mabel Clark: I was going to cook my husband a pie.
And then I saw this feller in a trench coat, and he opened
up the coat, and I saw his wiener and it looked like it
had an orange mustache on it, so I screamed and then
he said something incomprehensible and then he ran away.
Wilbur Clark: Where is my gawd damn pie at!
Mabel: You shut up Wilbur, I'm talking to them
news people again.
Wilbur: Bitch I don't care if you are talking
to famous Canadian actor Jim Carrey, I want gawd damn pie!
[As Mabel does the interview Wilbur watches from the other window as a
a person dressed in purple plays a flute, a cat then walks and jumps
through the other window, goes into the Clark house, opens up the
refrigerator, and grabs the bottle of milk and runs back out the window
with it, the boy dressed in purple smiles and flips off Wilbur and then
runs away]
Wilbur: Gawd damn it!
Mabel: I'm trying to do an interview with the news people,
what's wrong now.
Wilbur: Bygawd they stole my milk!
Mabel: Who stole the milk?
Wilbur: That feller in purple with the gawd damn flute,
he played that flute and that cat came through the living room
window, then went in the fridge and got the bottle of milk.
Mabel: See I told you I didn't eat your pie, it was that
feller dressed in purple with the cat.
Wilbur: Well bygawd, first they steal my gawd damn pie, then they steal
my gawd damn milk to drink with my gawd damn pie!
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