discussion VN KN Ren'Py DAZ Ravenous [Arc 2 Ep.18] [Lament Entertainment]

[makaab]

Pretty darned good intro. Very good writing, Yes it needs proofreading/editing for the errors I saw, but it did not make my Inner Grammar Nazi scream. Very good renders and the animations were good also. I liked the looks of all the models used, Erica is good-looking ,but IMHO Candace is the one who got my motor running. The MC seems a little on the short side for an eighteen year old but so was I at that age. Giving this a 4 outta 5 and if/when the dev. gets a SubStar up and running I will likely sub.

CHEERS (c)

Candace seems to be an accidental favorite. she grew on me as well. In the beginning when I started writing, I didn't plan on her having a very big part.

 

[makaab]

Very impressive start. The animated sequences are really well done. Only issues I saw were the awkward hair of the MC discussed above and some script (grammar) errors. I tried to unren to look at it, but I couldn't find a way to see the script, even with the latest version of Unren.

I am aware of the grammar errors as well. After a few versions, I plan to go back through and clean it up.
I dont have a proofreader, I try and catch it all as I go bnut some slips through the cracks.
As for the animations. I do most of them so far. the M/D animation was done by my coder , Fragmandk.

As for the rest of you, thanks so much for playing and I hope I can keep you all interested. The plot may get a bit weird at times, but Ill try my best to keep it on the rails.

 

[branko]

Looking good, story is interesting so far, my only issue would be that the mc reaction to mom-sis scene send him into a temper tantrum, I mean I would have walk away but just because the lesbo thing doesn't do anything for me, aside from that they're adults, should people sent you a memo to tell you who they fuck? get real kid. Hopefully he will be more mature in the future, not a fan of playing as a weak character, good luck.

 

[User_3962]

Damn the wimpy reaction the MC had running away from the mom and daughter is such a turn off.

 

[makaab]

Ok, This seems to bother a lot of people.
Maybe I can put it into perspective.
Incest is normally something people in real life think is gross.
At the least not appropriate, or socially acceptable.
The MC is trying to come to terms with the things that his mother and sister are already used to.
Believe me when I say that there is an existing reason
that I have already written, that needs it to be this way for now.
It is part of his development.
This MC isnt a pussy.
Even if his hair or him walking away from his sister and mother being sexual, makes him seem that way.
Usually in incest games/Vn/Kn, the c is ok with incest before anybody in his family is.
I chose not to go that route. I wanted it flipped.
This town that I am creating has a depravity that the mc isn't used to growing up with his father.

Im writing a story with porn in it.
Not porn with a story in it.

Im sure you will understand soon. Just gotta wait a bit.

 

[Fragmandk]

Just hope people will like the game at some point not that i making it only coding and animation the rest is Makaab make the art and story.
i know as much as you people on what is gonna happen in the game i see it when i put it together

 

[branko]

Ok, This seems to bother a lot of people.
Maybe I can put it into perspective.
Incest is normally something people in real life think is gross.
At the least not appropriate, or socially acceptable.
The MC is trying to come to terms with the things that his mother and sister are already used to.
Believe me when I say that there is an existing reason
that I have already written, that needs it to be this way for now.
It is part of his development.
This MC isnt a pussy.
Even if his hair or him walking away from his sister and mother being sexual, makes him seem that way.
Usually in incest games/Vn/Kn, the c is ok with incest before anybody in his family is.
I chose not to go that route. I wanted it flipped.
This town that I am creating has a depravity that the mc isn't used to growing up with his father.

Im writing a story with porn in it.
Not porn with a story in it.

Im sure you will understand soon. Just gotta wait a bit.

That's ok, but for the record I wouldn't be here reading a visual novel if I just wanted to see porn, and when I said mc should mature I meant mentally, for example I'm not gay, that doesn't mean I'll go crazy and said I don't want them in my neighborhood or shame them, it's their life, same with incest, and that's what I meant with weak character. Nonetheless I wish you good luck.

 

[makaab]

That's ok, but for the record I wouldn't be here reading a visual novel if I just wanted to see porn, and when I said mc should mature I meant mentally, for example I'm not gay, that doesn't mean I'll go crazy and said I don't want them in my neighborhood or shame them, it's their life, same with incest, and that's what I meant with weak character. Nonetheless I wish you good luck.

thank you for the well wishes.
I appreciate your taking the time to play/read it.

 

[pablo.1297]

Is the label of kinetic novel missing, or does it only have no options because it is the prologue?
I am not a native English speaker, I tried to create the tl to be able to translate it to my language (Spanish) but for some reason it did not let me extract the Rpa, if someone knows how to extract them I would be grateful (I use Unren).

 

[Augustus]

The overall setting and love interests are very promising. I particularly enjoyed the second lewd scene, which differentiated this a bit from the usual "boy comes home to mon+sister(s) after some time"-setup.

The MC however I found a bit distracting, as I can quite place him. At times I can believe the 18, but at others he acts and looks more immature. His height seems to fluctuate a bit (eg when he knocks at the door at the very start, he seems like barely 1.50). I'd be happy with him being either consistently an adult or consistently a young teen, but current I don't know what to make of him. I should point out that I do like the face!

The 10 year break seems far too long. Erika and MC are presented as "we haven't seen each other in a while, but we know each other". Maybe make the duration of the break dependent on Erika's age? Or just go for eg 3 years?

 

[makaab]

The overall setting and love interests are very promising. I particularly enjoyed the second lewd scene, which differentiated this a bit from the usual "boy comes home to mon+sister(s) after some time"-setup.

The MC however I found a bit distracting, as I can quite place him. At times I can believe the 18, but at others he acts and looks more immature. His height seems to fluctuate a bit (eg when he knocks at the door at the very start, he seems like barely 1.50). I'd be happy with him being either consistently an adult or consistently a young teen, but current I don't know what to make of him. I should point out that I do like the face!

The 10 year break seems far too long. Erika and MC are presented as "we haven't seen each other in a while, but we know each other". Maybe make the duration of the break dependent on Erika's age? Or just go for eg 3 years?

I havnt messed with the scale of the character whatsoever. I will say that the camera height isnt as consistant as it could be. I'm trying to be more mindful of that.
As for the 10 years, a lot of plot depends on that gap. im honestly looking at erica as a petite 16 year old so she would be 6 and mc would be 8 when they seperated. They were very close.
3 years would make much less sense once more of the plot is revealed.
thank you for checking it out though. I do appreciate the feedback.

I'm not against adjusting things for viewers/readers here and there if its in demand, But there are a few things that have to be the way they are in order for it to make sense down the road.

 

[MadMansKingdom]

Very interesting AVN! Renders are very well done and the story telling is great! On a personal note, the MC kind of annoys the shit out of me. He just seems like that typical annoying self-righteous, know-it-all, clueless teen. I just really hope the MC gets better because that's who carries most stories. Otherwise, I'm looking forward to seeing how this story progresses. Thank you for the awesome work!

 

[King-sama]

Ok, This seems to bother a lot of people.
Maybe I can put it into perspective.
Incest is normally something people in real life think is gross.
At the least not appropriate, or socially acceptable.
The MC is trying to come to terms with the things that his mother and sister are already used to.
Believe me when I say that there is an existing reason
that I have already written, that needs it to be this way for now.
It is part of his development.
This MC isnt a pussy.
Even if his hair or him walking away from his sister and mother being sexual, makes him seem that way.
Usually in incest games/Vn/Kn, the c is ok with incest before anybody in his family is.
I chose not to go that route. I wanted it flipped.
This town that I am creating has a depravity that the mc isn't used to growing up with his father.

Im writing a story with porn in it.
Not porn with a story in it.

Im sure you will understand soon. Just gotta wait a bit.

I agree with you despite what some people say. Personally, I admit I was frustrated by the end of this version because just when it was starting to get interesting haha. Really nice scene between the sister and the mother, can't wait to see the rest!

 

[BadJM]

I think the mc walking away was a pretty reasonable reaction after catching his mom and sister in bed. I know this is an adult game and people want to jump right into action, but if any of us ran into a scene like that IRL, we would be weirded out as well. Maybe not all of us, I know there are some freaks out there , but most of us would.

 

[makaab]

Progress Report

Just a few renders from the completed scenes
There will be 10 scenes total in the next update.

scenes completed: 2/10
Renders completed for scenes 2/10
writing completed (scripted dialogue)for scenes 2/10
coding completed for scenes 0/10

Next update will include corrected grammar retrospectively
and corrected grammar moving forward
(yes folks, I got a proofreader)
Also, Music will be added for some scenes.

 

[Chompy]

makaab - Next update looks amazing!​

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[Jack Of Blades]

makaab - Next update looks amazing!​

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i moved it awhile ago

 

[Fragmandk]

makaab - Next update looks amazing!​

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He is trying to get it up they deleted it one time i have written to them he writes every week been trying to get the account up for about 3 month now

 

[makaab]

PROGRESS REPORT


Getting there.

Scenes:
Dialogue written-7/11
Rendered -5/11
coded -4/11​

 

[Redzombie]

Awesome start , the smols are super cute , mc is kind of a bitch but to be honest he's just trying to wrap his head around the incest and his sister slipping him some tongue. Which would be most people's reaction it's much more realistic to me to be a little disgusted then warm up to the idea, can't wait for more