3 Years of Service
Just wondering about my direction in life, and figured I would play the "woe is me" card and jump on a pity wagon.
Back in 2019 was a good time for me. Steady job, finally paying debts, got married, all sorts of good, even during lockdowns starting in my area. Things were good. Then after 4 months my wife decided to leave to help her sister upstate, for what started as a couple weeks which turned into a few months, lockdown killed the job (cook for 15 years), and debt started piling up. Mid 2020 rolls around and I find out through a friend that my wife started an OF... except I wasn't the guy in the videos. Tons of lies and gaslighting later, and I'm stuck packing up all her stuff alone for most of November, and moved back in with my parents (I don't mind going back to them, as I pay them cheaper rent and it helps with their mortgage). Through all of this, I get massively depressed dealing with the divorce, and start therapy (therapist showed my how my wife was mentally abusive and manipulative) and meds (Ive been good at self managing my depression most my life, but everything felt piled on all at once, so for the first time in my life, I sought professional help). Therapist puts me through some tests, and I found out I got the autism, which explained a lot. And then the meds side effects kick in. Night terrors, panic attacks, lack of emotion. It sucked, but was still better than hitting the extremes and wanting to self delete. After a year and a half, I get the greenlight to stop my meds.
side note:If you are on antidepressants and it makes you feel like shit, or you cant handle the side effects, make sure to bring it up with a doc. I went through three different ones before settling on one that worked. The first one was real bad for me, as it actually increased suicidal thoughts. second did nothing at all, but the third was great.
Things got better at that point. Divorce was finalized, started a new job, burned my debt from 7.5k down to 2k in a year, quit smoking, had 2 separate surgeries that needed done for a long time (BTW if you have any long term infections or cysts that rupture, get that shit looked at asap for removal. I was about 3 weeks from one infecting bone and killing me.). Anyway, things were going great.
That lasted for almost 5 years. Now, at 36 years old, it seems things are falling apart again, even though I know its not that bad. The company i worked for did a massive layoff for the entire region due to the client canceling the contract 5 months early. I get contacted by the competitor who undercut the contract and was hired, but haven't had a start day. Kept getting told the supervisor should be contacting me shortly, only for nothing. And now they are ignoring my calls. So I started looking elsewhere, and holy fuck is it so annoying to apply online. I should've gone to college to become a nurse or something, because my area seems to have a massive lack of them, judging by the amount of job offers. So now thats where Im at.
Really, I just needed to vent a bit to someone. Felt a bit down this week and figured I'd bitch a bit. Gotta admit, I'm not usually attention seeking or one to talk about myself, but this kind of felt good. Cathartic in a way. So yeah, thanks for reading my little bitchfest.
Back in 2019 was a good time for me. Steady job, finally paying debts, got married, all sorts of good, even during lockdowns starting in my area. Things were good. Then after 4 months my wife decided to leave to help her sister upstate, for what started as a couple weeks which turned into a few months, lockdown killed the job (cook for 15 years), and debt started piling up. Mid 2020 rolls around and I find out through a friend that my wife started an OF... except I wasn't the guy in the videos. Tons of lies and gaslighting later, and I'm stuck packing up all her stuff alone for most of November, and moved back in with my parents (I don't mind going back to them, as I pay them cheaper rent and it helps with their mortgage). Through all of this, I get massively depressed dealing with the divorce, and start therapy (therapist showed my how my wife was mentally abusive and manipulative) and meds (Ive been good at self managing my depression most my life, but everything felt piled on all at once, so for the first time in my life, I sought professional help). Therapist puts me through some tests, and I found out I got the autism, which explained a lot. And then the meds side effects kick in. Night terrors, panic attacks, lack of emotion. It sucked, but was still better than hitting the extremes and wanting to self delete. After a year and a half, I get the greenlight to stop my meds.
side note:If you are on antidepressants and it makes you feel like shit, or you cant handle the side effects, make sure to bring it up with a doc. I went through three different ones before settling on one that worked. The first one was real bad for me, as it actually increased suicidal thoughts. second did nothing at all, but the third was great.
Things got better at that point. Divorce was finalized, started a new job, burned my debt from 7.5k down to 2k in a year, quit smoking, had 2 separate surgeries that needed done for a long time (BTW if you have any long term infections or cysts that rupture, get that shit looked at asap for removal. I was about 3 weeks from one infecting bone and killing me.). Anyway, things were going great.
That lasted for almost 5 years. Now, at 36 years old, it seems things are falling apart again, even though I know its not that bad. The company i worked for did a massive layoff for the entire region due to the client canceling the contract 5 months early. I get contacted by the competitor who undercut the contract and was hired, but haven't had a start day. Kept getting told the supervisor should be contacting me shortly, only for nothing. And now they are ignoring my calls. So I started looking elsewhere, and holy fuck is it so annoying to apply online. I should've gone to college to become a nurse or something, because my area seems to have a massive lack of them, judging by the amount of job offers. So now thats where Im at.
Really, I just needed to vent a bit to someone. Felt a bit down this week and figured I'd bitch a bit. Gotta admit, I'm not usually attention seeking or one to talk about myself, but this kind of felt good. Cathartic in a way. So yeah, thanks for reading my little bitchfest.
