1/3
4 Years of Service
One thing I am serious about as a suggestion, though: would it be possible for a little more romance among characters? I don't really see many (if any even) instances of "I love you", or "Sweet, darling Rose", or "My brilliant Quin" even. It's mostly, "Fuck me, baby", "Give it to me rough, old man", etc. Although the MC might not be the lovey-dovey type, I'm a sucker myself for romance stuff and would enjoy having some of that thrown into the dialogues. I know there was a decent amount of that in The List, but A Perfect Town seems to have lost that more or less. And while Eve is the love of the MC's life, I think it makes sense that he also does love the other girls in his harem.
Oh, and also... "Mr. Nick", "Mr. Sam", etc.... sounds weird. Why not either just assign a last name (like you do first names for other characters) and have Mr. + LastName, or just have them use the first name only?
Thanks for pointing that out. I never even noticed until you said something. Maybe it is subconscious or something that I don't write Sam the same way I write for Rob. I will try to work on it for the next chapter, but with Rob and his girls, it just seems to come naturally for me. It might be because I am connected to Rob more than Sam, due to Rob's story has actual meaning to me. I created Rob for a tabletop RPG game, Vampire: The Masquerade. He was the first character I ever created for a game like that, and I have been writing his life story for almost 25 years now, where Sam was just a thought a few years ago when I was adapting my story from a book format to a VN format.















