Who's got jokes?
- Thread starter e6mill
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A man walks into a Soviet grocery store.
He looks at the shelves and apparently doesn't see what he's looking for, so he addresses the shopkeep.
"Excuse me, do you not have any meat?"
"Sir, this is a baker's shop. We only don't have bread. Across the street is the store which doesn't have any meat."
He looks at the shelves and apparently doesn't see what he's looking for, so he addresses the shopkeep.
"Excuse me, do you not have any meat?"
"Sir, this is a baker's shop. We only don't have bread. Across the street is the store which doesn't have any meat."
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
Two hunters meet. Both are dead
This one has kind of stood out as one of the best jokes I've heard through the years. Been a long time since I actually heard it, so my telling may be a little off:
A guy finds himself at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. The guy in front of him turns around and asks him "So, how'd you die?". The first man responds:
"I was at work when I got a call from my neighbor who thought he heard my wife in bed with another guy. So I rushed home as fast as possible and burst into our bedroom. My wife was in bed naked, but I didn't see anyone else, so I frantically searched everywhere in the apartment. I then looked onto the balcony and saw a guy hanging on the railing over the edge. So I started stomping his hands until he fell. It was only three stories, so he was injured but not dead. So I grabbed the refrigerator and pushed it over the edge on top of him. From all the excitement, I then fell to the floor with a heart attack and died."
The man asked back, "How did you die?". To which he responded: "Well, I was painting the railing on my balcony when I fell over the edge. Luckily I was able to grab onto the railing a couple stories down. I thought I was fine until a crazed man ran out and started kicking me until I fell. I broke both my legs but was still alive. Next thing I know, a refrigerator falls on top of me."
The two men then look behind them and ask a third guy "What's your story?". The guy responds:
"I don't know, I was fucking some guy's wife and heard him come home, so I hid in the refrigerator. Next thing I know I am here".
A guy finds himself at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. The guy in front of him turns around and asks him "So, how'd you die?". The first man responds:
"I was at work when I got a call from my neighbor who thought he heard my wife in bed with another guy. So I rushed home as fast as possible and burst into our bedroom. My wife was in bed naked, but I didn't see anyone else, so I frantically searched everywhere in the apartment. I then looked onto the balcony and saw a guy hanging on the railing over the edge. So I started stomping his hands until he fell. It was only three stories, so he was injured but not dead. So I grabbed the refrigerator and pushed it over the edge on top of him. From all the excitement, I then fell to the floor with a heart attack and died."
The man asked back, "How did you die?". To which he responded: "Well, I was painting the railing on my balcony when I fell over the edge. Luckily I was able to grab onto the railing a couple stories down. I thought I was fine until a crazed man ran out and started kicking me until I fell. I broke both my legs but was still alive. Next thing I know, a refrigerator falls on top of me."
The two men then look behind them and ask a third guy "What's your story?". The guy responds:
"I don't know, I was fucking some guy's wife and heard him come home, so I hid in the refrigerator. Next thing I know I am here".
